The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Watching men’s gymnastics last night with the wife Me: you know I did a somersault once right
A tracking device to find your husband when he goes off to get something in the supermarket and disappears.
wife: do you think you can handle that?me: yup, most definitely…what was that?
Me: I’m tired. Husband: Go to bed earlier.Me: So I can teleport to tomorrow and do this shit all over again? Absolutely not.
One thing is for certain. The day after my wife and daughter rent a movie on Amazon, it will for sure be available for free on every other platform
I am on the mend after being sick for five days. By on the mend I mean I got out of bed and took a shower.My husband, “Wanna go to hibachi and get wasted tonight?”
Marriage books never prepared me for the number of times my wife asks me “What is wrong with you?!”
Tonight, my 4yo told my husband that she likes him because he “doesn’t clean as much as mommy.”
My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary today. Well, more like he’s celebrating that I’ve put up with him and his antics for 15 years.
Sitting my husband down after a week apart for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch
I told my husband that the G.I. Joe theme song has not withstood the test of time, and all I can say is it’s a good thing our couch is comfortable
wife: you sure the gummy didn’t hit you yet?me: [eating ramen noodles with mayo] yea I’m sure. Why?
[packing for vacation]Wife: Don’t forget underwear.Me: I know.Wife: Because you always forget underwear.Me: I KNOW.Wife: It’s like the first thing you pack I don’t know how-Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.[unpacking at hotel]Me: you won’t believe this
And it’s a gold to my husband for the best dad explanation of Fencing to our 10yr old.“Fencing is where you have to go and put up a fence, with wood usually..”
There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time and then they marry each other.
A hack is to write out a todo list and put it somewhere your husband can see. Husbands cannot resist a list. They crave completing a list. Our walls have had a stain on them for MONTHS, wrote it on a list and all the sudden my husband has cleaned it. It’s been an hour since List.
Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.
The good news: My husband vacuumed and cleaned out the car for our road trip.The bad news: He forgot to put my car lip balm back after he was done, and I didn’t notice until after we’d been on the road for an hour.
My husband, watching women’s water polo, after hearing the commentator say they aren’t allowed to touch the bottom or sides of the pool and must swim the entire time, “That is probably so hard.”
Me [packing]: Hey, do you think a ukulele is considered a carry-on or personal item?Wife: no